Ever since I’ve announced God’s calling on my life to move to Kenya, “Billy” (name changed just in case he would prefer not to be mentioned in blog form) has greeted me by first punching me on the arm, scrunching up his face in anger, and declaring “I’m mad at you for leaving!” Then instantly his face softens and he smiles and wraps his arms around me for a big hug and says “I love you.” I always smile, hug him back, and say “I love you too” inwardly in awe of how this boy is outwardly expressing how I myself feel about leaving.
Tonight I wonder how it is that I had enough strength to respond YES to God’s call to move to Africa, but I am terrified of cleaning my office desk out tomorrow. Tonight my heart is broken – I do not want to leave the students, families, staff, and ministry I love. Beyond that – this church is not just my job, it is my family, it is my home, it is where I came to fall in love with Jesus. To me being joyful in the Lord is not faking a happy face and pretending leaving is easy for me – its looking at the reality of the situation, the good, great, bad, and worse and knowing its all worth it because I’m following Jesus – the Savior & Lover of my life. To me – in this moment – following Christ is hard, but my joy in Him is solid in knowing “our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us” (Romans 8:18).
Rationally I know that one chapter of my life must end for another to start – now I’m just waiting for my emotions to catch up with this realization. I hope this post doesn’t discourage you. I hope in some weird way my honesty would be an encouragement to you. Sometimes life doesn’t go the way we expect it – yet I’m here in midst of my pain declaring loudly PRAISE JESUS ITS WORTH IT! I find huge comfort in knowing that whether on earth or in heaven I will see, hug, laugh with, dance with, and talk to my Mt Bethel family again face to face. Beyond that – tonight I hide myself in Jesus’s loving arms taking comfort that “ in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose” (Romans 8:28).
Please don’t misunderstand, I do not doubt the Lord has called me to Africa. I am not backing down, I’m still giving my all to walk this out. I know I will face incredibly hard & terrifying moments, but I also know I will experience moments of joy in living out His love beyond anything I’ve experienced so far. I’m so grateful God has spoken His will to me and to be on my way to living it all out for Him. Tonight, ask Jesus to speak to you – ask Him what He is calling you to do – and no matter how easy or hard I pray you will say yes. Also, I highly recommend reading Romans 8!!
